”“Good,” he said, and went back to his paper. I decided that since everybody else was busy with their own things, I’d take a walk down town and see if any of the gang were around in one of our usual haunts. I announced my intention to Dad, who said Ok, then went back to his paper again. The first place I tried was the Blue Cup on Sagar street, but there was no-one there, nor was there anyone in the Tartan Café on Commercial Street. Eventually, I found Mike and Keith in the market hall café not a usual haunt at all.“Hey guys,” I greeted them, “what’s new?”“Since we saw you on Friday? Nothing,” Mike answered.“How are you coping without the other half of you?” Keith asked, jovially.“She only left this morning, but I’m not happy.”“And you’re off to California next week, so I’m sure there’ll be plenty of things to do to take your mind off the loneliness.”“I’ll be there to work, and nothing else,” I objected.“Nothing touristy on your days off then? No surfer chicks chasing you all over?”. He told me about his own struggle to find himself and how hard it was to come out. He gave me a lot of good advice that day.Weeks went by where nothing changed for me. I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind. “What would it feel like? Would I like it? Does it hurt? What if I am gay?” All those questions ran through my head daily. I was tired of wondering and I wanted to find out.One night while Josh and I were both in the room working on school work, I broke the ice and stated chatting with Josh. Nothing in particular, but it got us talking and focus away from the term papers on our computer screens. Then I went for it, I started talking about sex. I asked Josh what it was like his first time. When he was done with his story, I moved my desk chair closer to his and leaned in and kissed him. I KISSED A GUY! That was a sentence I once thought I would never say. Josh gently pushed me back and took a deep breath and told me he couldn’t because of his relationship with Alex. I.
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